How Christmas-sy Are You This Season?

I am sitting at my desk, waiting for my oldest daughter, her boyfriend, grandson, and my step-son to arrive for Christmas dinner. I have no decorations this year. I don't even have a Christmas tree up! My husband's business phone just went off for him to go tow a vehicle. I have to admit that I am not in the Christmas spirit at all! Don't get me wrong...my faith is Christian...Lutheran to be exact. I was raised Baptist and converted to Lutheran after I had gotten married. So, I believe in God. I believe that Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary. I'm just not feeling Christmas at all this year! Of course I practically went broke after purchasing gifts for the family but, when I have been asked what I wanted...nothing. I don't want anything. My family is healthy, I'm able to wake up every morning. I don't want anything materialistic, which I'm always like that...even for my birthday, Mother's Day...Anniversary. All I want is to hold the people I love closer to my heart, if that makes sense.

I think after you lose a parent, Christmas just doesn't feel the same anymore. I lost my father in 2005, during my last year of art school. Christmas was always our holiday. He worked all of the time as a long distance truck driver for a furniture company in Valdese. He had worked there before I was born and it was basically his life. I really didn't see much of my dad when I was growing up. He was gone all week, came in on Saturday and left again on Sunday night. After my parents split, I saw even less of him. However, he always made Christmas feel special. My step-father loved Christmas too. After my mom and step-dad got married, my step-father instilled into me that it was a time for family. Every Christmas it was my mom, step-dad, my brother, my two step-sisters, step-brother, me, my oldest, and ALL of siblings family! Needless to say, our house was full of laughter and chitter chattering. We lost my step-father in December, 2008 due to traumatic head injury. My youngest, Ticia was 8 months old at the time. Our family is now scattered. We don't see each other like we used to. It's depressing! We all grow. We all get older. Eventually, we pass on but, knowing this, doesn't make it any easier. Being a Cancer sign, that emotional crab...I am a selfish person and I love holding the people I love dearly close to my heart!

To be honest, there has been a lot of occurrences to hinder my mood this past year. 2017 has been an emotional roller coaster for me for personal reasons that I don't wish to make public. All I can say is that my heart has been through a tough journey by someone I love with all of my being! But, what can one do? I just keep pushing forward by taking care of my family, throwing myself into work, and hoping for the best. Maybe next Christmas will be better. I'm not giving up. I'll continue to learn my life lessons that fate wants to throw at me and continue down my path.

I'm sorry if this blog is so gloomy. Life isn't always cupcakes and rainbows. I'm a normal person just like everyone else. I breathe, I bleed, I fall in love, I get my heart broken, and cry like anyone else. Even though, I'm not the most festive person I could have been this year, I will gather around the people who love me, that I love and cherish them. Until next time! ~Cheri